The little things...

*sigh* I want so much to be perfect sometimes. The perfect wife. The perfect mom. The perfect neighbor. The perfect hostess. The perfect person. And somehow, the more I try, the more I fail at it.

I'm a list-oriented, task-oriented, check-it-off-the-list kind of person. I like having a schedule. A system. A set of boxes I can fill in. A calendar. A thought-out plan. It doesn't all have to be neat as a pin all the time, just so I have a pretty good general idea of how everything is going to go, and where to find what I need when I need it. I'm big on preparing for things ahead of time, and thinking through every possible scenario that could mess up the big picture, and coming up with a way to avoid that happening.

So why, even with all of this, can't I just make things fall into place? Why does my toddler whine and fuss on the morning I intend to start doing more structured schoolwork with her, so that I have to toss my lesson plans out the window for the day and focus on discipline and character training? Why does my morning sickness return on the one random day that I really need energy to tackle the house projects on my to-do list? Why does my little one wake up three times in the night teething when I'm trying to get a good night's sleep before the hectic week begins? Why did my phone miss receiving the text from my hubby that he has to work late, until after I've already prepared a nice big meal...so then I have to wrap it up in the fridge for another night?

I'm learning to see these things not so much as annoying, frustrating hiccups in my well-laid plans, but more as God taking time to tap me on the shoulder and remind me about the chief purpose of all I do--to glorify Him, and to enjoy Him forever. "A man plans his way, but the Lord directs His steps." How thankful I am that God doesn't allow me to just get through my to-do list every day! Without my toddler whining and complaining, I wouldn't realize that the most important thing to teach my children is not to read and count, but rather to obey the Lord with a cheerful heart. Without morning sickness limiting my energy, I would forget that I can only do things in Christ's strength, not my own. Without my little one waking in the night, I would not have the opportunity to snuggle with and rock him, and get those extra moments to pray specifically for my children. Without my phone acting up the other night, I would have had more work to do today; but, with an already-prepared dinner in the fridge, now I have lots more time to focus on character training with my toddler, resting time for myself, and praying/snuggling time with my little one.

Seeing God in the little things, not myself--this is a constant struggle for me. "He must increase; I must decrease." I'd like to think that my house is clean, my children are behaved, my husband is well-fed, and life is rolling along smoothly because I've got the system down; because of my work and my way of doing things, we are where we are. But that's a lie straight from Satan. "Nothing in my hands I bring; only to the Cross I cling." That is what I want my life and my attitude to be. It is of God's mercies that I am not consumed--not of my own strength and schedule and attention to detail.

He has a lot to teach me still...